as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it glows. i had to have it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
