me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
