Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
