hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
