There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
