I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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