If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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