you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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