you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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