I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am available for nakedness
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
