Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
