I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
