her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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