He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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