Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
