So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize