dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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