So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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