This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
