There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You pole danced in your parka.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
