I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
