Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
