Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
