There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
