we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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