Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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