Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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