if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
