Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
