they need to just BURY HIM!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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