My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Houston, we have a blender
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
