would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize