he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
