how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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