Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
soo... how was my night?
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