It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
