Kareoke will never be a sober sport
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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