her vagine was all disorganized.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
