You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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