IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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