I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
