she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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