I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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