If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
