Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
