dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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