I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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