Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
