Whats the glycemic index on semen?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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