watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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