I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
