i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
