I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
