I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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