I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
