he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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