Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
