shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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