nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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