watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
