I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
