At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
