She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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