Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
