i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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