you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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