Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
