areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
