KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
