it wasn't lemon gatorade
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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