I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
