Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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