Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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