bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
