Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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