Define "chronic" masturbator.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Four minutes until I can fart!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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