It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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