We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
