I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
