there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
