i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it glows. i had to have it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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