i wish my penis had a tongue
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
