I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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