hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
